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How to Cope with Reawakening Grief
Even years later your grief does not automatically end, when you have lost someone or something close to you. Something "out of the blue" may bring back the pain of loss. It maybe a tradition, birthday, holiday, location, smell.....anything that you shared with the loss you are grieving.
These emotional feelings may surface months or even years later, making you to face again and again the emotionally feelings of grief that you percieved you had integrated. You maybe fully readjusted and reinvested in your life. This experience is 'normal' and informational in that it is a reflection of how important the loss was to you. In reading this article you will learn what you may expect and skills that will help you to cope with the reminders of your loss in a healthy and healing process.
The Reawakening of Grief is referred to as "Anniversary Reactions". These reactions, may last for a day, or weeks,"reawakening" many of the same emotions and physical problems that you experienced with the initial grieving process. Some the feelings you may experience again with an Anniversary Reaction are:
- Headaches
- Trouble eating
- Anxiety
- Nightmares
- Quilt
- Crying Spells
- Anger
- Less desire to 'reinvest' in your current life
- Sadness
- Loneliness
This experience maybe very powerful, causing you to vividly recall the events around your loved one's death.
Triggers for Reawakening Grief maybe intense, but you will find it easier to cope as the years pass. Some of the Reawakening Triggers maybe :
- Mother's Day
- Father's Day
- Wedding Anniversaries
- Anniversary of the Date of the Death
- Childhood milestones
- Major holidays
- Celebrated traditions you would have shared with your loved one
Skills for Coping with Reawakening Grief :
- One of the most useful skills is to remind yourself that time will lessen the emotional pain associated with the loss---although your feeling of loss may never completely go away
- Prepare yourself for trigger dates so that the reawakening of your grief may help you to integrate your grief
- If there is a memorial associated with your anniversary plan to attend---it will allow you to share your feelings with others who are experiencing similair feelings
- Connect with family members and friends sharing your feelings. This will help you maintain your support system. If the loss/death has occurred several months ago evaluate joining a bereavement suport group
- Be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to feel the sadness and loss
- Start a new tradition to 'honor' your loved one. Examples: donate to a charitable organiztion in their name, plant a tree
- Take a break by visiting with friends or relatives
- Reminisce about the loss/death by focusing on the good things and good times you had together
In some cases, your grief experience maybe more intense, painful and life altering. Or you may notice that your grief is becoming worse over an extended period of time, rather then better. The time involvement maybe even for a period of years. If this is what you are experiencing your grief may have progressed into depression, complicated grief, or post-traumatic disorder.
This reaction, if noted, should not cause you to feel different....there are many different reactions to losses. However if you do feel your grief is distracting you from reinvesting in your future, Please seek out professional help and support from your doctor, or a grief counselor for an evaluation and possible support.
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